Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
