he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
