Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
