he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
