Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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