dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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