My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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