Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He did a backflip because drugs
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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