You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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