Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I could fuck to npr.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
