i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
