so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
