"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
