well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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