We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
