The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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