you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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