Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
