All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
