She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
