saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize