If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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