Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
