thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
