nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
