the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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