But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
3 2 1 whiskey
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize