I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
