It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
