There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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