my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
