is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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