Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
