are you still at the devil's house?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
