Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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