it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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