i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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