marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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