dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
