literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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