at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
