he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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