you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
