I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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