I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
