So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
