he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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