so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
