Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
