I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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