meet me or not, i'm out of control
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
