I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
