If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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