he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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