I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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