Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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