you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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