He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
