I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
