im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
