Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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