i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
