i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He shit in the fireplace
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
