I puked a lego.
too bad you live with your parents still
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
