bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
