You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
