About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize