you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize