Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
