I want to have your abortion
Welp...herpes.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize