how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
