So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
