Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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