Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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