Well apparently he's into motor boating.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Randomize
