Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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