I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
