I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
