I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize