I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
