he told me I talked like a deaf person
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
