then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
