She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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