Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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