I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
