i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
