I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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