I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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