Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
