The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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