Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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