Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize