why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Is it penis luge time yet?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
