apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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