I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
