He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize