A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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