My first STD was from a foam party
its not stalking. its research.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Every concussion has its silver lining
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
