WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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