Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Randomize
