You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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