Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
