help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
