I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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