I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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