Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
