i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
