U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
