There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
